Friday, August 26, 2005

Fresh Email from Outer Wingnuttia


Welcome to another edition of "Who Writes This Stuff?" from your humble blogger. Another wingnut propaganda email chock full of stump stupidity and pants-pissing terror.

And away we go!

(Thanks to KL for this gem!)
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You gotta love Robin Williams... Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan .. what we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

The wingnuts always co-opt the names of Robin Williams and George Carlin for their mouth-breather diatribes. Of course, you would too if the only comedian you had was Dennis Miller. In any case, John "Gee, Tennessee" Bolton would never say this at the U.N. unless he got to beat one of his subordinates while doing it.

Robin William's plan. (Hard to argue with this logic!)

Only if you're a raving lunatic.

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.

"Stop starting illegal wars" is a plan. But let's hear yours...

1.) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past and present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic and the rest of those 'good ole boys,' We will never "interfere" again.

Well, to be fair, it was Democratic President Franklin Roosevelt that wanted to aid our allies in World War II. Republicans like Prescott Bush were too busy making money doing business with the Fascists; similar to Ronald Reagan and Donald Rumsfeld's support of Saddam Hussein. I guess the wingnuts resent our "interference" with their business partners.

2.) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.

Bringing some of our troops home is certainly a bi-partisan idea that the wingnuts can get behind. After all, they seemed to be happy when George W. Bush agreed to Osama Bin Ladin's demand that we remove our troops from Saudi Arabia. No need to post troops at the border; a few more years of Republican rule and we'll be the ones leaving to look for jobs.

3.) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them.

Great! The Sioux, Cherokee, etc., will be really grateful to have their land back. Actually, this will never happen. Republicans love cheap labor almost as much as tax cuts.

4.) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

And the men with the rubber gloves will NOT be gentle! The author of this email clearly knows all about "asylum" as he/she obviously lives in one. Ooh, double-wingnut word score for an obvious racial epithet! The author wins his/her choice of the Minute Man Militia official cocktail dress or the Lou Dobbs privacy fence.

5.) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

Well, good. Too many educated people hanging around and we'll never get that Intelligent Design program instituted at Harvard.

6.) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

Proof that even wingnuts aren't completely brain-dead; energy independence is a very noble goal. Oh, wait, despoiling ANWR to do it is asinine. It hurts when they come so close to humanity and yet fall short again. By the way, how do you "temporarily" drill for oil? Isn't that like "temporarily" burning down someone's house?

7.) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

Where, Iraq? Venezuela? We've destroyed one and threatened the life of the elected President of the other. Poor Saudi Arabia, now they'll have to sell all of their oil to China. Hopefully China will need some cheap American labor for its factories...

8.) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere," They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

Typical wingnut dreck: since some aid is wasted or stolen, no one should get any. No soup for you! Of course, per capita, the U.S. is one of the least-generous nations in the world already so this is just par for the course.

9.) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

If John "I am the Walrus! Goo goo gajoob!" Bolton goes with, then so be it. Our Republican government clearly has no need of diplomats while they have a military anyway.

10.) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE...

Recently Mitsubishi announced that it was relocating a planned factory to Canada instead of Alabama because of the poor educational level of the locals. Somehow I think we should at least hold our red states to the same level as the foreigners they want to deport. Seems only fair...

Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

Yes, if you're batshit insane.

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?' "

She's French so DEPORT HER!

If you agree with the above forward it to friend... If not, and I would be amazed, DELETE it !!!!!

And I'm spent...

14 comments:

Michelle Klein-Hass said...

Robin Williams? That was one of his monologues? Wow, surprise.

Gifted-1 said...

Robin Williams? That was one of his monologues? Wow, surprise.

I doubt it... these people will use anyone's name, just to add some "legitimacy" to their sad little thoughts...

Samurai Sam said...

michelle,
No, it wasn't. Whoever writes these stupid emails uses left-leaning celebrities to make it sound legit. I've seen them from Williams, George Carlin, Mickey Rooney, etc.

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tam said...

I thoroghly enjoyed this post! Thanks!

Samurai Sam said...

I've seen them from Williams, George Carlin, Mickey Rooney, etc.

Err, that would be Andy Rooney.

"ROONEY! I don't have all day to bark at you, so I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Pardon my french, but you're an asshole!."

DadOBot said...

I think these types of e-mails are plenty funny raw, but you make them even better. I wish I still had the one about Target (the evil French corporation) not donating to the Vietnam Memorial Wall. That was a classic.

To the original author of this e-mail, I quote Buzz Lightyear. "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity."

Samurai Sam said...

dadobot,
If you get any of these emails, please pass them along. I get a kick out of "deconstructing" them.

I had a great one about the Supreme Court building being a monument to Christ that I could just kick myself for deleting.

DadOBot said...

I'll see if MomO'Bot still has it in her deleted bin.

The Supreme Court Building a "monument to Christ". LMAO!