Friday, September 23, 2005

Email From Outer Wingnuttia: Katrina Edition

As we all know, nothing brings out the bile in the Hard Right like a poor minority getting uppity. It's fascinating how very differently the two sides of the political spectrum viewed the catastrophe in New Orleans. The Left expressed our concern about the failure of the federal government's response and the revelation to the entire country of the grinding poverty that a large of chunk of Americans live with every day. The Right was outraged most by the looting and by the implication that their Boy King might finally have to take responsibility for something that happened in the government he leads.

Reasonable people on either side can disagree on where the blame lies. Sadly, reasonable has nothing to do with this email. From the mouthiest of the mouth-breathers, the most knuckle-headed of the knuckle-draggers, comes Email from Outer Wingnuttia: Katrina Edition:

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans.

Thanks for updating me on the body part out of which you'll now be speaking.

For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss.

All the warmth of a 3-for-a-dollar sympathy card.

With that said, Lets go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

All right! Time to get down to the business of telling other people how to live, a Wingnut specialty.

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that... Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

Yes, because of course some Wingnut, probably from rural Kansas (they're thick there), knows so much better how to react to a hurricane than the folks who've lived their entire lives on the Gulf Coast. With no car, what were they to do? Walk? Radio to Scotty to beam them up? Many of the people that stayed behind were sick and/or elderly or had family and friends that were. Of course, that squares just fine with the Wingnuts; taking care of yourself first is their Golden Rule. Moreover, where were they to go? The impoverished don't tend to have nice vacation homes or the funds to pay premium hotel rates for a few days away from home. It's the government's fault for not being prepared to deal with such an obvious problem. It is all Americans' faults for allowing this sort of abject poverty to exist in the wealthiest country on Earth. Shame on all of us!

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the governments fault you're starving.

Yeah, having your food and water submerged in 20 feet of brackish, toxic filth for a few days is no reason to waste it.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

So it's OK to loot as long as it's food and water? That's pretty progressive for a Wingnut. May be time for a little "evacuation" to Gitmo for re-education.

#2b. If the local store is too looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's tv and stereo alone. (See # 2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff... it's theirs, not yours.

Looting your neighbor's house is wrong. Looting Wal-Mart? Well, Wal-Mart can afford it, especially given that all that flood-damaged merchandise would be written off as a casualty loss anyway. See, unlike the poor of New Orleans, large business owners can actually afford flood insurance without having to give up other things, like food and clothing. Besides, the looting of New Orleans was way, WAY over-exaggerated , mostly by Fox News. It was young hoodlums acting out during a time of great upheaval, not the decline of Western morality. In any case, the Wingnuts know it's only looting when it's done by poor minorities. When it's done by companies like Enron, WorldCom and United Airlines, it's called "free market capitalism".

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who didn't leave when told to do so.

None of the cases of aid personnel being shot at panned out. Just nervous aid workers over-reacting. Completely understandable, except to the Wingnuts, who expect violence from poor blacks.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, Let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (For goodness sakes, it's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

Ironic advice coming from the same group that thinks it must be lawful to have an M-16 to protect their homes from hordes of burglars wandering the suburbs. And, please, no talk of Voudun. If there's anything Wingnuts don't understand, it's religion.

#5. My tax money s hould not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

Hey, I actually agree with that first sentiment. The wealthy and businesses already have the economy and government grossly tilted in their favor. They need no further help. Alas, then he ruins the ride. New Orleans is the busiest port in North America, especially for petroleum and natural gas imports. Ports have to be built on the water; makes it easier to dock ships that way. New Orleans wasn't built by thrill-seekers wanting to dare the business end of a natural disaster. It was built by commerce, something Wingnuts are supposed to worship as Most High. Perhaps if the Republicans would stop stripping the teeth out of environmental regulations, then it wouldn't be legal for real estate developers to drain protected wetlands and build cheap homes on them.

#6. Regardless what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

I've met Jesse Jackson; very decent fellow. He and Al Sharpton are no angels but they've dedicated their lives to higher causes and have done much more good than ill. U.S. Industry has contributed more to global warming than any other single factor on Earth and we continue to do more damage every day. Along with religion, science is the other thing Wingnuts can't seem to get their heads around.

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Walmart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living.

Now THAT'S some classic Conservative pap right there. "All poor people are lazy!" "It's a proven fact that blacks always carry weapons!" "Poor minorities prefer social welfare to an honest day's work!" Racist bullshit, all of it. Everyone knows that those welfare queens try to get minimum wage jobs at McDonald's but they can't get their Cadillacs into the parking lot. This is the Land of the Free to Get Mine and Screw All of You and the Home of the Bravery of Sending Poor People's Kids to Fight Needless Wars.

President Kennedy said it best... "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

I prefer this quote from JFK:
For in the final analysis, our most basic common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children's futures, and we are all mortal.
John F. Kennedy, Speech at The American University, Washington, D.C., June 10, 1963
US Democratic politician (1917 - 1963)

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

YourYou're welcome. Now, please, go away and take your white hood and burning cross with you.

No comments: