Friday, February 17, 2006

Email From Outer Wingnuttia: Immigration Edition

Buenas dias! It's time again to delve into the reactionary nuttiness of wingnut sub-culture, propagated in inboxes throughout the world. Today's heartfelt screed bemoans America's dreadful habit of occasionally treating Mexican immigrants like human beings and implies that those evil hombres south of the border would never return the favor. The grinding injustice of an American culture under siege by impoverished migrant workers makes even the most compassionate wingnut reach for their white hood and burning cross.

So grab your canteen and your "I Heart The Minutemen" shotgun (not you, Mr. Cheney!) and prepare for a caliente dose of "Email from Outer Wingnuttia"!


If you are ready for the adventure of a lifetime, TRY THIS:

Uh oh. Watching Iraq leaves me a little skeptical about wingnut "adventures".

Enter Mexico illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.

Actually, it's pretty much impossible for an American citizen to enter Mexico illegally. All that's required, according to the U.S. State Department, is that one be an American citizen. You don't need a visa and it violates no international law. They like Americans in Mexico. We have lots of money to spend (or, we did, prior to the "Bush Boom").

Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

Oh, I get it. It's time to play "Hate the Poor", a favorite among wingnuts. Heaven forbid that Mexicans come to the United States seeking a better life. The United States doesn't go for that "bring us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to be free" liberal humanitarian crap anymore. It's bad enough we allowed all those Irish and Italians in, but we must draw the line at Mexicans. I mean, they're brown, for Christ's sake!

Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

Amen! I can't tell you how tired I get of seeing Mexican immigrants picketing American hospitals with this very demand. Being able to understand what doctors say will only encourage these Mexicans to get even more medical help for themselves and their sick families. Besides, we know all those Mexicans are refusing to learn English just to spite us.

Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.

Wingnuts harbor this phobia that anyone speaking another language is saying something bad about them. Which is true, actually. Hard as it may be to believe, Mexican immigrants actually get offended when other Americans (descended from immigrants) treat them like vermin. Mexicans are kinda funny about demanding that whole "basic human dignity" that wingnuts really think should be contingent on a high net worth and pale complexion.

Procreate abundantly.

Isn't that precious. Well, all the wingnuts know that those dirty brown people tend to fuck like minks. It's bad enough they have to come here, but now they have to breed, too? If only we had some camps or something; some place where they can't overrurn good white communities. We really need some kind of "final solution" for this "brown people breeding" problem.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with, "It is a cultural USA thing. You would not understand,pal."

I guess when they get bored of trying to run women's sex lives, the wingnuts turn to the nearest impoverished minority. I would say raising ignorant rednecks that write racist emails is probably "irresponsible reproductive behavior" as well.

Keep your American identity strong.

I'm trying, but it's hard when there are so many wingnut morons dragging it through the mud.
Fly Old Glory from your rooftop,or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.

Yes! Nothing says "I'm proud to be an American" like invoking the flag after a racist diatribe. I guess some Americans are just more equal than others, particularly if those "others" are brown and speak a different language. Those who have no understanding of what America stands for have no business waving its symbols about.

Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.

Raise strong German English-speaking youths for the Fatherland Homeland!

Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

We can't have our children learning about immigrant cultures!! My God, our children might actually learn to like other cultures and treat foreigners with dignity and respect. The wingnut way of life would surely perish then!

Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal presence in Mexico.

You know, in the entire Declaration of Independence, it never once qualifies that "certain inalienable rights" belong only to those born in the United States. It says "All men are created equal". Even brown people that don't speak English.

Drive around with no liability insurance and ignore local traffic laws.

Perhaps the author of this email was in a car accident with an uninsured Mexican driver? Else this is obscure even for a race-baiting moron.

Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.

Seems like being able to communicate with the folks of the community would be a useful skill in law enforcement. But then, again, learning their brown language just makes you more like the brown people. Must protect that proud wingnut culture.

Good luck! You'll be demanding for the rest of time or soon dead.

Probably. But at least it'll be another day here in paradise for some illegal brown person picking fruit for less than minimum wage, right?

Because it will never happen. It will not happen in Mexico or any other country in the world except right here in the United States, land of the naive and politically correct politicians.

If only that were true. If only Mexicans could come here and be treated with the dignity that all human beings deserve. But I guess if we did that then ignorant white trash would have no group to blame their shortcomings upon.

If you agree, pass it on. If you don't, go ahead and try the above in Mexico.

And I'm spent...

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